Because child was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he did not have strength to stay at school, so he had to suspend his studies and go home for treatment during holidays. As a mother, I sank deep into self-blame, guilt, remorse, fear and despair, and an unprecedented sense of frustration consumed me.
The worst thing is not this. The worst thing is that my parents, siblings and everyone in my husband's family think that my child's today is caused by me——I used to enroll my child in many extracurricular activities. On weekends, I travel between various tutoring institutions and educational institutions; I used to require my children to do my extra homework, various calculations, extra verbal calculus questions, and extra tutored reading in addition to homework assigned by school teacher every day, etc.; In past, children had to do their homework very late every day, even in elementary school... It was because I put too much pressure on my children, controlled them too strictly, and demanded too much... Now, I am a sinner, a culprit. Faced with accusations and anger of my family, I was powerless to defend myself, it was my fault, I was one who harmed child.
However, child I have always loved, child I have always been proud of, cannot even go to school, sits at home in fear, is sometimes irritable, sometimes depressed and cries, cannot do anything and does not want to do anything. I spend most of my time sleeping and staring in a daze. Those games and animations that I used to play most have lost their appeal and I feel bored and powerless when I play them from time to time
. So, I embarked on path of salvation, I want to save my child, I want to return my child - that positive, lively, cheerful, excellent, versatile child.
I went to Huaxi to get best and most expensive expert account and get best imported medicines; I followed advice of doctors and teachers and I found best counselors for my children to consult and participate in medicine which others said was very effective. Rehabilitation. I used to accompany my children to and from schools and educational institutions, but now I take children to and from hospitals, counseling offices and rehabilitation centers. I worked hard and passionately wanted to make my child better, to return former normal life, to get rid of complaints and accusations from relatives. During day I had fun, pretended to be strong and met everything with a smile, and at night I festered like mud, paralyzed on bed and cried silently.
Time runs like water. My child has been out of school for one semester, two semesters, and situation is not necessarily improving. I still can't go back to school.
It was also last year. When I was exhausted, all thoughts were lost and I feltdepressed, I read book Notes on Healing Depression. The author, Mr. Zhang Jin, who also suffers from depression, talks about his illness and process of treatment (crossing with others, baptizing himself, crossing people) in book. Also from this book, I learned about public WeChat account for depression-transition. Then, thanks to this platform, I found a real saving straw and, in fact, turned my understanding of this illness over past year and root cause of wanting to cure my child.
Yes, I've always thought that I put too much pressure on child, which caused child to get sick. I asked my child to take a break from school to relieve pressure, I tried my best to seek medical help and ran around just to help my child get well soon. In fact, I completely overlooked an important point: not only child needs to take medication, but also me. I am also "sick" and I am also very sick. be saved, but yourself.
I have since embarked on a different path of learning from middle age to middle age.