I feel like sky came crashing down when my child was suspended from school after being diagnosed
My life has ceased to be fun, and world has become boring. To save child, I put all my energy into it. I tried my best to do what I thought was right, but things didn't go way I expected.
In those years, state of our family was as follows: child was taking medication, while at same time doing psychological counseling. Apart from sleeping and playing, I can and cannot do anything else. My husband scolded me for making child like this, and at same time looked at poor child at home, feeling sad. He thinks that child is abolished and nothing can be done, in his words one can see hopelessness and abandonment. He didn't want to go home, and when he got home he scolded and savagely hit child, and his disgust was undisguised. He was also lukewarm towards me and didn't look me straight in eye. He does not accompany child to doctor and does not want to accept consultant's invitation.
A child in an ice cellar
As for me, I have not reconciled. I do not believe that child will be canceled from now on, I believe that child will recover. I worked hard and never gave up, but result did not develop in direction I expected. I feel frustration, pain, anger.
I wandered around house like a multifaceted person, tearing up all sorts of things——in front of child, I told child not to give up, everything will be fine, but my feeling of powerlessness was also revealed without any concealment; angry, even mad. How could he treat me and my child like that, he is like a stranger, a cold-blooded animal, completely irresponsible and responsible. I accuse him, attack him and despise him. I hope that he will be able to work with me to deal with fact that child is sick and unable to go to school, and actively cooperate with doctors and counselors to help in child's treatment. However, he believes that it is not about him, he does not blame himself, he does not feel guilty, he is not a doctor or a consultant, he helped. Faced with his indifference, I regretted that I was so blind then, married such a man, I hated him, hated him with gnashing of teeth. So my husband and I either fought and attacked each other, or we were in a cold war and house was as dark and cold and poignant as a glacier.
A sick and depressed child curled up in a corner of ice cellar. She was shivering from cold, and piercing pain did not let her get up, she was swallowed up by darkness, and loneliness and fear, step by step, pulled her closer to bottomless abyss. She screamed for help at top of her lungs, but there was no answer, her pain and struggle were covered in darkness. In end, she decided to give up, because her beloved parents were busy venting their emotions, and who cared about her?
Wake up like a dream
My child's illness also gave me opportunity to study again. Inwhile studying, I woke up as if in a dream - a child in a glacier, even with medicines and consultations, is unlikely to recover. Because child has no light, no warmth, no love, no strength in his heart. The teacher said:
To help children with depression, first of all, we need to improve intimate relationship between husband and wife, create a relaxed, accepting and inclusive family environment for children, and give children opportunity to recuperate.
If you want to improve your intimate relationships, you must first change yourself! Don't try to change your husband if you don't show up or not.
In a family, if a mother has a stable temperament, is impatient, loves her husband and children, family will be warm and loving. Mother, you must exist as Dinghaishenzhen.
It turns out that I have been walking for more than a year, but I do it for myself, in order to console and move myself. In fact, my direction was completely wrong, I grabbed others but failed, and then increased my attacks, further injuring my loved ones around me.