Our children are often faced with a variety of choices, such as going back to school or taking a break from school? Do you want to go to school? Do you want to do your homework? Do you really dare to lie? ... Should I obey my parents or myself? Listening to yourself means you are afraid that your parents will be unhappy, and also you are afraid that you will not be able to bear consequences of listening to yourself, you are not willing to listen to your parents or you want to do it in your heart. but you can't do it because your body can't stand it, still all these entanglements, Contradictions, struggles and internal friction are very bad, and people become more irritable, anxious, irritable from this.
My daughter has faced similar confusion again.
For week after May 1st, school alternates between physics and chemistry experiments and mock exams almost every day, and following Monday, high school entrance exam for experimental class will be held. The teacher told her daughter to go participate.
My daughter doesn't want to go to school every day, but since she passed her second exam, she doesn't seem to want to give up. So, I again got into difficulty of choice. Until she has made a decision, no, until it is her own decision, she will always be internalized! Showing emotional irritability - internal resistance to going to school, her mind tells her to go!
"Baby, do you want to hear what mom thinks about going to school or not?" I tried to ask her. I think that if she is ready to listen, I will talk about my ideas, if she does not want to listen, I will not interfere, internal friction is her business, I will not interfere.
"What are you talking about?" The daughter's tone was a little impatient.
"I think you can measure two things about whether you should go to school or not: one is importance of matter, should you go and should you go; other is whether you should go to school? You can go, that is, Measure your body, can your energy help you complete this task, can you bear discomfort of participating in it? Finally, listen to your heart to decide." I paused and then said: /p >
"Of course, whatever decision you make in end, to go or not, mom will support you. Mom will not get angry, and this will not affect our relationship." business.
About 20 minutes later, my daughter asked me to look at what turned out to be a mind map. Although I don't understand it very well, I still understand final conclusion. I want to confirm to my daughter what she was thinking when she made this card: "I don't understand this very well, baby, could you help my mom draw this card again?"
"First, it's 'to go or not to go'. For 'go', look at top right here and down, and for 'no' look at down arrow... Do you understand?" my daughter asked me after some explanation. There is clear thinking and confidence in words, and a sense of accomplishment brought about by this "great" mental map.
"Suddenly enlightened! Thank you for your daughter's mind map. My mom also learned another trick. When she is faced with an unsolvable choice in future, she also uses this method to make decisions. We care about both rationality and emotions! it's not confusing anymore. It's great!" I gave my thumbs up and gave my daughter a stamp!
The next few days, when it was time to go to school, she would get ready and get ready in advance, and then go to school alone.
I often think about giving my daughter back control and autonomy. At same time, I tell myself to respect my daughter's choice, whether I want results or not. Facts have proven that this not only avoids conflicts between us, but is also more beneficial for parent-child relationships; moreover, by virtue of her own choice, if daughter ends well, she will have a sense of accomplishment; learn something in middle of school. is not it?
So, I think if parents don't want to take over or control their kids, but instead choose to trust and respect them, kids will definitely get stronger and get better faster.