Baby Diary

Dao Yaer's personal experience: good relations between husband and wife, a harmonious and warm home - good medicine for a recovering depressive child!

I fight alone

The child was sick, dropped out of school and lay prone. The mother ran, seeking medical help, carefully caring for a sick child. .

They say a mother is strong, but who wants to be that strong? You see their emaciated, exhausted, mentally and physically exhausted faces, and you can tell that they are actually riddled with wounds themselves... just because they don't want to give up, they are fighting their own. breath.

I remember last time I talked about laughter with my group of friends, everyone frankly admitted that I hadn't laughed in a very, very long time and couldn't laugh anymore. You're sad? Is it bitter?

What's more, I've also found a very consistent phenomenon: whether it's in parent education group or in headlines, I often see mothers trying to "save" their children. Where is Dad? I thought only our father was a shopkeeper. It wasn't until later that I learned that there are quite a few fathers who don't interfere in business of shopkeepers.

I remember that before my daughter was diagnosed, my husband blamed her for weakness, me for spoiling child, and my parenting method for problems. However, he never worried about his daughter's life or her studies: when he came home from work, he only ate, played games and looked at his mobile phone. After our daughter was diagnosed, neither mother nor daughter dared to go home with a medical certificate, my daughter was afraid that my father would say that she was pretending to be sick, that she was useless and that she would embarrass him. bring like this...

During subsequent visits and consultations with my daughter, my husband barely accompanied me, participated in, or paid me. I'm too lazy to argue with him, I'm afraid to conflict with him and harm child again.

So our seemingly complete family is actually more like two groups: my daughter and I are in same group, and my husband is in same group. Because my daughter at time was emotionally unstable, self-inflicted, had nightmares, and was afraid, I moved into my daughter's room to sleep with her. My daughter and I's goal was to cure illness. As for my husband, I don't know what he's thinking and I don't know his purpose, I only know that he doesn't want to see a daughter who is sick, depressed, doesn't go to school, black and white, and sleeps and food has no interest other than play. I also don't want to hear me talk about my daughter's illness and treatment, and even refuse to discuss with me how to help child get well. At home, he does not leave bedroom, except during meals. He protects himself, and he protects me and my daughter.

I took my daughter to hospital, to a consultation, to a rehabilitation training center alone. The pain and discomfort that came, I went through with her, went through together, I caught it all, and kept it in my heart. Physicalexhaustion and mental anguish stunned me. I felt like I was fighting alone.

I want a divorce

I started to rant and attack only man in family. I think this is a man who has no love, no sense of responsibility, no responsibility. A man who cannot share family responsibilities with me. What good do I need you? I took initiative to ask him to start a conversation, and then we quarreled, fought, fought, fought again ... In those days, daughter curled up in room and locked herself, except for toilet.

Finally, one fine day, daughter fell ill and began to cry loudly again. The husband could not stand it anymore, so he rushed to his daughter and yelled at his daughter: “If I continue to torment like this, I will pretend that I don’t have your daughter.

The daughter was stunned and stopped crying. Then for a long time daughter did not talk, did not cry. I am horrified and cannot let this heartless person harm my daughter again.

"Let's break up" I finally touched on a topic that I was afraid to bring up. Before, I did not dare to think about divorce. I was afraid that my divorce would upset my parents. I was also afraid that my divorce would create financial hardship for me and my daughter. I also feared my divorce. . But now I don't care.

He said whatever you want.

I said okay, then my daughter and I will move.

He said: Let me move out.

I said, "It's all right, then you can find a house as soon as possible."

Then he started looking for a house. Then it happened that house had not yet been found, and his company sent him on a business trip to another place, and he needed to live in another place for a long time. He left for another city. He's been gone for almost a year now and we rarely have contact with each other, this way of getting along seems no different than a divorce.

For rest of our lives, my daughter and I were left alone at home, and we both felt relieved. I feel less stressed and I don't have to worry about a person I don't want to mention. My daughter and I are much calmer. My daughter periodically leaves room, and sometimes promises me to go for a walk. When it was even better, it was also during period when my daughter had ups and downs, I took my daughter to travel and relax. In addition, follow-up visits and psychological counseling are planned on a regular basis.

Later, when my daughter got better, she missed her father and even called him ... Later, I chatted with my daughter about divorced families and possible impact on children. The attitude tells me that she doesn't want her parents to get divorced and she doesn't want to be a child in a single parent family....

This marriage is inseparable

Later, around beginning of 2022, shortly after school started, I received a call from Mr. Chen, psychologist in charge of my daughter's school, asking to speak to me. It turned out that when my daughter sometimes went to school, she wentla to school teacher Chen. The teacher will chat with her, play sandbox, hypnotize and so on. At that time, Master Chen gave me two meanings: first is that child feels that house is not warm and parents constantly quarrel; another is that child is afraid that parents will divorce. The teacher said to me seriously, "I know that in past two years you have paid a lot for your child and have done a good job. I really hope that your daughter will get better soon, but have you seen how your daughter is feeling?" ? My daughter lives a miserable life, you know what she wants? She wants a warm, full and loving home! ! ...

It turned out that I had been working very hard to find ways to help my daughter get well. Everything I have done is based on my own thoughts and feelings, without considering her feelings and needs. I was just impressing myself. I seem to suddenly understand why I always feel that drugs and counseling are ineffective and not very good. It turned out that direction of my power was wrong.

After leaving teacher's office, I made a decision that this marriage will not be dissolved! At least for my daughter's sake, I can't get a divorce. Since my daughter needs it, I will treat this marriage as good medicine for my daughter! If you knew there was a cure that could help your daughter, I think you would do anything to get it, right? Here I am, I can not get a divorce! I have to restart it! I want to give my daughter house she wants. If I want to change current state of edge, there is only one way to restore my marriage and my intimate relationship.

Perhaps this is God's grace. When I was confused about how to restore an intimate relationship, I saw a tutorial on official account on how to understand characteristics of teenage children, restore intimate relationships, and study original family. I enrolled without hesitation. This will be around June 2022.

It turned out later that this was right way. for me.

(to be continued)