Before I took part in this study, I didn't like conflict. I was especially afraid of conflicts. To avoid conflict, I preferred to do more alone and be more tolerant. If a conflict is inevitable, I will be nervous and I will be afraid that there may be consequences that I cannot bear after conflict, I will blame myself, or not cope, or pull, or cover up, or explain.
After training, I developed a desire to face conflict, and I even realized that conflict in some things is not only harmless, but can help us change and grow.
I used to be afraid that my daughter would have a conflict at school, and then she would ask me to deal with it.
My daughter once spoke about her involvement with Gang of Three in same class. At that time, I was very afraid that my daughter would provoke them, so I wanted her to avoid them and avoid conflicts. The daughter said: They do not provoke me, and I will not provoke them, but if they provoke me, I will repay them twice!
I clearly remember my feelings at time: I was nervous, I was very afraid, I was afraid that my daughter would be hurt, and I was also afraid that my daughter would hurt others, and finally I would have to take responsibility.
It was also at that time, I had just learned about how to deal with conflict, I allowed myself to slow down and calm down,
First thought: Nothing happened, I was so scared, how could I give strength and support to my daughter;
Secondly, I heard my daughter say, "If they don't provoke me, I won't provoke them", which shows that daughter has her own principles, isn't that good? Why should I be nervous;
Thirdly, daughter said that if they dared to provoke her, she would repay them doubly. I also thought, yes, if others hit on head, do I want my daughter to swallow her anger? Do I want my daughter to be hurt? Is it like being a child? In that case, where will my daughter have strength to deal with new challenges in future?
After a brief second thought, I decided to believe in my daughter, I decided to wait and see what happens, and I decided to take her side. daughter and take on responsibility that I have to bear. If I want to protect my daughter, I will have to face this challenge.
Thanks to this awareness and knowledge, I found that I no longer panicked, and also expressed my attitude towards my daughter. I distinctly felt confidence of my daughter.
The latest development is that not only did daughter not have conflicts with gang of three, but one of girls loved her very much. Every time daughter went to school, she would come to hug her tightly.
After this incident, I found that my feelings about conflict had completely changed.
As we continue to learn and understand conflict better, NVC also teaches us how to express anger and resolve conflict.
Despite this, in deiIndeed, sometimes I will run into conflicts unconsciously or unknowingly, especially when getting along with my husband. The old patterns still take time to come to their senses and change. Fortunately, I am already on path of learning and growth.
About conflicts, I especially like saying of friends from the group: Every conflict is an opportunity for growth, even if you do not like it or you are afraid of it.