Baby Diary

It was two years ago, my daughter was about to go back to school after a few months away. While taking my daughter for follow-up appointments for medication and psychological counseling, I contacted school about returning to school. According to school's requirements, I need hospital to issue relevant certificates and come to school for a series of procedures.

My daughter watched me busy and she was very cooperative. She even cooperated with system when she took scales in hospital: "I know how to choose to meet standard, and I can pass test and get a certificate." ."

I told my daughter that if we can get back to school without any problems this time, there won't be many postponed courses and we will find a one-to-one teacher to help us catch up later, so it won't be a problem to catch up. It will also not affect future participation in high school entrance exam and college entrance exam.

My daughter cooperated with me and said: Mmmm!

However, an unintentional discovery made me lose all motivation. I felt like my whole heart was broken and all my hopes were shattered. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't breathe.

"Mom plans future, I plan to leave!"

My daughter wrote this sentence on a piece of paper and threw it on table in her room. When I saw him, he pierced my heart like a needle!

At time, I was puzzled and in great pain. Is this really what my daughter thinks? My daughter was also informed about return to school, and she agreed. Also, she is obviously very collaborative with my work. What's going on in my daughter's mind?

Thinking about leaving? Are you thinking of leaving?

I've asked myself this question over and over again, this question scares me more than ever before.

I began to quietly pay special attention to my daughter's words and actions. I found that she often fell into deep thoughts or remained in a dazed solitude for long periods, or silently approached window and looked out from behind railing. would have told me that she Someone from such-and-such a super chat group she was following had left again... One day she said she had bought a Swiss army knife online and opened it...

At this time, every nerve in my entire body was tense, and every inch of a blood vessel was swollen. Every day I focused my energy on child, did not dare to fall asleep at night, and then could not sleep at all, and also suffered from insomnia.

Of course, resumption of studies also failed.

What did you think of your daughter at time? I also learned from my own learning and growth, won my child's trust, got along with my daughter as a friend, and chatted with my daughter:

"I don't want to go back to school, I'm afraid where to go. When I get there, I feel uncomfortable, sometimes it's hard to breathe, sometimes for no reason I faint and fall for no reason. I have almost no friends, I sit in classroom. In addition to sleep, II'm sleeping. I feel alone, alone, and my classmates don't play with me. But my mother really wants me to go back to school, so I have to cooperate. So, I think there is no other choice but to leave. I thought about time, I also made a countdown plan, and I also thought about different ways to get away and I can look or buy tools online. ”

When I heard that passage again, even though my daughter no longer had those thoughts, I still got scared!

I later discussed this with my daughter, why don't kids like them want to go to school? Are you afraid to go to school?

——Maybe study pressure is too much. The teacher rushes me every day to turn in my homework, and I'm even punished for standing and doing my homework in hallway outside classroom! The child's self-esteem has been stricken and tormented, and he is overwhelmed.

——Perhaps there are interpersonal problems and you cannot get along well with your classmates and teachers. The more careful you are, more you feel that teachers and classmates look down on you. You may feel that there are always classmates gossiping about you behind your back. It's an anguish, a pain.

——May have experienced bullying on campus, didn't dare tell teachers and parents about it, or said it but didn't get a positive response and support. Children can only escape pain of bullying alone!

…

——And most direct reason is that when they think of going to school, they are suddenly flooded with all sorts of uncomfortable and unbearable very bad experiences at school. In order to protect themselves, their subconscious automatically turned on Self-Defense Mechanism. - escape!

So I remembered that when writer Mai Jia was talking about his son, he once said:

"Children at this time, do not talk about study and work, life is already good."

"For him, being tired from school and dropping out of school is last level of self-defense."

As for me, I used to see only all kinds of "bad things" my child did, completely ignoring his feelings, thinking only about getting sick and curing disease, correcting deviant behavior and thinking only about getting my child back. on go as soon as possible...

As everyone knows, I can't see pain of a child. My behavior, of course, pulls child forward. From child's point of view, doesn't it pull him back to place where he feels panic, fear, and always wants to escape? abyss? And she was already in dark. So maybe only way to be free is to leave.

Perhaps God has forgiven my ignorance and given me another chance to raise a daughter. So, now I think, without focusing on studying, as long as child is still with me and she is happy, I will feel happy!