Baby Diary

By coincidence, I hid my daughter's illness from my parents for more than a year, but on one of summer holidays, when my parents completely abandoned household and planned to enjoy their leisure time, next morning, when my parents came to my house, let a note from me Husband arrived unannounced. This took me by surprise and I was instantly relieved that I no longer had to waste time hiding it from my parents.

As eldest daughter, for as long as I can remember, I stuck to "oldest daughter image", took care of younger siblings for my parents, shared financial pressure of my parents, did not let my parents worry about our siblings, and without adding to their anxiety, deliver good news, but not bad news, I've always done that.

After my daughter got sick, I couldn't take care of myself and it took a huge toll on my time, energy and finances. I can care less and less about my parents, brothers and sisters. But I think even if I can't help them, then don't add psychological burden to them and don't make them worry about me. Besides, I don't think they can help me with my daughter's illness. So I hid it from my parents and siblings.

During summer vacation of that year, my parents finally listened to our childhood entreaties and decided to quit farming and enjoy happiness. So, I arranged for my parents to come to Chengdu and then accompany them on trip.

It was already nighttime when my parents arrived in Chengdu, so they rested early before they found out about situation at home.

The next morning, my mother and I got up first, and I explained to my mother: My daughter is not feeling well, and I will take her to hospital for an examination (actually, this is an additional examination). a visit that was already planned) and then send her to school; my husband goes to company after breakfast, I will be back as soon as possible and then first I take them for a walk around city.

I then changed, took out some things I needed to bring from small bag I usually carried with me when I left house, and changed into a larger bag on dining table (I took my child's suitcase with me every time I went to clinic.material). Then he left with his daughter.

I got home about eleven o'clock. Dad sat at kitchen table and mom did laundry in bathroom. I asked my mom to put clothes on and not wash them, I want to take her to play.

But dad was sitting at table and did not move or talk. Mom said take a rest first, why are you so busy all day?

I feel like something is wrong.

Of course, dad said. His voice was soft, kind, but powerful. I was not used to it, but obediently obeyed. He said: "Let your mother do laundry for you, come and sit for a while!" He also pulled a chair towards him.

I sat down and saw my father's hand on dining table, holding a folded lia stock of paper torn from my usual notebook.

Dad handed me a note and said, "In morning ** (husband's name) got up late and went to work without breakfast. When I got up to eat, I saw a note on table. Just to see if it comes in handy and if you want Then, I saw it, this is for him.”

I took note and before I opened it fully, I realized what had happened. I feel like a lying child who has been exposed for all his lies.

This is what I wrote to my husband two days ago, because at that time, due to my daughter's illness, my husband refused to accept and accused me in various ways, which made me discouraged, and even talked and quarreled with him . They all lost interest, so they used this method to get message across to him. The general content of note is as follows: The child is severely depressed, does not accompany him to doctor, does not help with counseling, does not give money. I was very angry and I accused him of irresponsibility and irresponsibility. I even mentioned divorce, and I raised child alone, which is better than him showing his disgust and disgust towards child in front of child. After note was written, it was rolled up and put in a bag, I did not find an opportunity to pass it on to my husband. I must have accidentally left it on dinner table this morning while changing. Then my husband did not have breakfast and did not find this thing. Then my dad saw it.

I tried to play lightly: "Hey, everyone, complain!" I told my father with a hippie smile.

Father looked at me, still very bright and close, and slowly said: "It's so simple, you still can't read when I'm illiterate. Your father and I are already retired city personnel. What's wrong with girl? What's matter? Depressed? Why haven't I heard from you? I feel like baby was different when I came back from Chinese New Year last year, but I can't tell what has changed. Turns out I was sick at that time, right?"

I can neither answer nor speak. All sorts of painful images flashed through my mind like a quick slideshow, my daughter's struggle when she was sick, my anxiety and helplessness, my husband's indifference ... I felt like I had lost all my strength, and my chest was even more full. Tense, barely breathing. I just endured. Unsatisfactory tears flowed instantly, and I burst into tears, choking with sobs. I bit my lip, trying not to scream.

"Don't hold back, scream" Dad patted my shoulder and said softly.

As if I had received an order, I opened my mouth and wept loudly. I was crying and breathing heavily, I felt my head was splitting and my whole body went numb. I just kept crying and crying. Until I'm tired of crying. Dad did not stop me, did not bother me, just pushed napkin on table. I don't know how long I cried, and finally I was exhausted lying on table.

This is first and only time I've cried in front of my parents, as far as I can remember, and I've cried thatto thoroughly, from heart and unscrupulously.

After tears, I also know that I can no longer hide this matter at home. I just told whole story about everything that happened over past year, from my daughter's fear of going to school at beginning, to her frequent absenteeism, to her suspension from school and her resumption of her studies, I continued to take frequent vacations from her. During this period I took my daughter to doctor alone, I was looking for a psychologist, and my husband accused me of my daughter’s illness, and of my attitude towards her sick daughter, and my daughter’s condition did not improve, but my blood pressure rises, etc. I don’t have no reservations.

Papa listened quietly next to me, not interrupting my speech. My mother also folded her clothes in her hand, came and sat next to me, stayed with me all time and handed me a napkin from time to time.

Until I finished speaking, I had nothing to say, and my father finally said, "You must know, no matter what happens, you must first take care of yourself. Only when you take care of yourself can you take care of your children and this family. If you have something, what about child, who will take care of it?” Papa paused and then said, "Don't tell us about such a big deal, but carry it yourself. It's very hard. Although baby, if you're sick, we can't help you, but at least you can tell us, don't feel being so tense.” My mother finally spoke, and she said, “You just take care of everything yourself. You have always helped your family and siblings, but you never told everyone about your difficulties. Why are you so stupid!"...< / p >

Listening to what my parents said, I burst into tears again, I felt that all my suffering and fatigue were visible at that moment, and I was no longer alone. Gradually, I felt that I was beginning to gradually relax. I don't have to hide or pretend, I can finally be myself, someone who can cry and be vulnerable.

It was an unforgettable morning. A picture froze in my head - mom and dad and I are sitting around dining table, I am crying, mom and dad are listening to me, there are a lot of napkins on table.

Mom and Dad stayed at my house for a few days and accompanied me to pick up and drop off my daughter. I took them to Jinli, Kuanzhai Lane, People's Park, Thatched Cottage, Qingyang Palace, and some famous old streets and alleys. It's not that I take them to play, it's better to say that they accompany me to relax and accompany me to take my daughter to go out to rest.

Mom and dad always go to meet their daughter, even if daughter is emotional, they look at her without saying or doing anything, but they can do it calmly. I wonder how they did it. Every time I go out, my dad helps me carry things, whether it's vegetables I bought, leftover bags, or some desserts I bought. In short, as long as I have something in my hands, no matter how important it is, he will take it, and then he will say: Stay with girl well. My mom always helped me in everythingx around house. At that time, I hardly had to go to kitchen or clean room. If it wasn't for my sick daughter who had to take care of me, I felt like I was going to live life of a princess. I found myself experiencing love in every possible way for first time in over forty years. I, too, seem to like all this, I did not refuse and did not hesitate, as if everything was taken for granted and logically.

Later, parents returned anyway, and everything returned to normal. However, I always feel that everything is different there again, and something had to change. But I never knew.

Some time ago, I finally found answer in a training course on original family: it was arrival of my parents that broke blockade in my heart. Seeing healing, my long-held emotions burst out and were released. I am loved by my parents, my parents empower me, and I receive strength from my parents so that I can face life's challenges again.

As for power of parents, I originally thought that I would end writing here. However, only now another thought has appeared, namely, how can I empower my daughter? How about giving my daughter strength? This is a question for reflection, I want to leave it to me, and also to you who are reading article, all right?