I used to think that those highly educated and high-ranking personnel, those parents who have achieved success in their careers, are capable and strong people, and they will definitely be able to give strength to their children, and their children will definitely be as good as they are .
However, ever since my daughter got sick, I had opportunity to make contact with such a group, and I realized that reality is not what I imagined! There are also many highly educated and successful families with successful careers, their children are also depressed, and they often feel powerless and helpless.
So, I thought again, are these highly successful cases and award-winning experiences necessary to empower kids? After some understanding, this is actually not always case.
However, our children, suffering from illnesses, have difficulty getting up. However, we found that they were clearly not strong enough to crawl.
What can we do to empower children?
At end of my last article (Strength from Parents - Mothers of Depressed Children Need Love Too) I seemed to suddenly understand where I got strength from my parents - key Words: listen, endure, love! Unconditional love!
I feel a lot of love from my parents - I'm also 40+ people, I go outside to buy food, I go to mall to buy clothes, it's not hard, but my father, he always reaches out Come and help me carry things, even my purse, he must carry it. You know, at that time I felt that what my father helped me take off was not an insignificant thing in my hand, but a burden on my shoulders! Mom pampers me, does not let me do household chores, protects my fingers from spring water ... For first time in many decades, I feel such happiness - a child with a mother is like a treasure! Maybe, in their understanding, they do not know what love is and do not know how to love children, but their words and deeds make me feel love! Unconditional love! I was not spoiled by them, and after their departure I still felt much lighter in my whole body, and their love literally gave me strength and courage.
I still remember phrase I read before: "In process of growing children, more parents can bring comfortable, joyful and stable emotions to children, higher emotional value of parents. On contrary, if parents always allow child to feel sad, disappointment and anger, lower emotional value of parents." I think this sentence also indicates direction of our confusion. If we bring comfort, joy and stable emotions to child, then we give child strength, on contrary, we absorb child, not only without giving child strength, but also reducing only strength of child.
Recently, I have noticed a change in my daughter: when she leaves, she will carry garbage downstairs to throw it in bin; will take initiative to boil water; two days ago I asked her to use washing machine, if she wants, most of dayI can work alone in kitchen without complaining about being tired... You know, these seemingly trivial things, For her in past, she could not, not because she did not want to, but because she did not have initiative. More serious problems, such as going to school for exams, participating in school activities, from running away early to getting up and starting on time now; from past irritability to trying to take a deep breath, relieve or tell me how I can help her... In my opinion, it's all about regaining her daughter's strength.
Moms may ask what have I done? I think my study helped me a lot:
The book Positive Discipline mentions that empowering children is not about interfering between children and their life experiences, hindering development of children's energy, but about supporting and encouraging children to behave in life, which allows children learn from experience. your mistakes (mind you, mistakes are best opportunity for learning) and strengthen your “capable” muscles.
The book provides examples of behaviors that empower children: listen and give children emotional recognition, teach children life skills (such as how to use a washing machine, how to cook, store, etc.), discuss and solve problems with children; Don't give up... The book also provides examples of words that inspire children: "I want to hear what this means to you", "Would you like to hear that I'm worried", "I see, get out, you're feeling bad because of low test. evaluation, I'm sure you can learn something from it"; "I hope you can get into college, but I'm not sure if that matters to you"...< /p>
Do you feel these encouraging words and actions feel like doing nothing. In fact, if you feel it carefully, you will find that there is no blame, no punishment, no control! But more respect! Kids have more power to make decisions on their own, and kids have more power to control! More understanding and tolerance for children... The book also provides examples of how to empower children through small everyday things such as housework, money, siblings and wrestling, housekeeping, hair coloring, tattooing and getting pierced ears, coming home too late, etc.
It turns out that if we want to give strength to our children, our daily life is a training ground, and small things in life are an opportunity for training!
The nonviolent communication teacher also said that family entertainment is also very important for empowering children. Play with your child, invite him to family activities, ask your child for support and help, tell him "I need you" and "I'm proud of you." Family activities include: cooking together (buying vegetables, picking vegetables, clearing table and plates, etc.), games (requesting children to help us imagine rules of game as gamesetc.), travel (by asking children to help us take care of things, book tickets, tickets and rooms, raiders, etc.)... Children's self-confidence, a sense of worth and a sense of accomplishment are cultivated in company of their parents.
Yes, some netizens have said that by being yourself first, stabilizing your emotions, and not passing on your anxiety to your children, you can also empower your children. Yes, I agree too. This is also very important!
As for how to empower a child, I think that also includes: when he is upset, give him a warm hug; when he fails, comfort and encourage him; when he progresses, give him punishment Sincere praise; when he is offended, give him constant company...
We want to be ones who can support children's emotions and accept children's feelings so that they can find love and a sense of security, as well as confidence, courage and strength.
We don't want to be this high-ranking general, and we don't want to be engine of children's lives. We just need to be their training partner and co-pilot.
What can be done to empower and empower children? I compiled this article based on communication between me and my children, as well as my study notes. I'm very happy if I can help you. If this is not exhaustive, please add it to the comment box, okay? Thank you!