The child does not go to school and lies at home, black and white upside down, doing nothing, playing games on mobile phones all day or going to school after three days of fishing and two days of surfing net. ; or instead of eating homemade food, ordering takeaway... ...However, child also asks to buy a mobile phone, a computer, branded clothes, shoes... and even asks to clean room, pour water, wash fruits and do laundry underwear... And you, Dissatisfied at heart, complaining endlessly, and even accusing and criticizing... And I am constantly confused and cautious, not to satisfy child, but I am also afraid of emotional outburst and anxiety of child, and I cannot afford to provoke him, and I can't hide it, so I have to satisfy him. However, you are happy with your child, but you do your own chores, reluctantly, you even feel forced and helpless, and at same time you worry about spoiling child, it seems to you that child is really pathetic and hated.
Do you know? At present, although you have given child, you have not sincerely given it.
You expect your child to be an excellent student in class and class, not only with good grades, but with all-round development. “What’s wrong with that, you can’t do sports and arts well”… When your expectations are not met, and children do not meet your requirements, do you get angry, frustrated and even worried? Have you thought about it? Are you accepting a child at this time? Can you sincerely help your child?
A child plays with a mobile phone at home, and you criticize him for not doing business. Although you reject and dislike child, you are also concerned that child will delay learning and delay future. Accusations, sermons. I can say with confidence that at this time what you give to your child should not be sincere.
When your child's request does not agree with your opinion, you go to child with condemnation, feel disappointment and anger. When you don't know your child enough, don't trust him enough, or love your child enough, your feelings are powerless and it's hard for you to sincerely give at such moments.
So what's holding you back from bottom of your heart?
Your worries, fears, distrust, rejection, judgment, criticism, anxiety, anger, regret, guilt, shame, impotence, helplessness, dislike, insecurity, inadequacy, some limiting beliefs, your high expectations of your children, your desire for reward, etc. are all factors that prevent you from giving sincerely to your children.
However, what can we truly give our children?
If you see and feel difficulties, anxiety and impotence of a child at home, then you can understand him. He may only use mobile phones and games to relieve anxiety and distract himself. If you pay attention to it, then you will not judge or criticizeyour child, you will not reject or dislike your child, and you will feel more distressed, accepting and tolerant of your child in your heart, and you will not be so anxious.
If you can drop your high expectations of your child, don't look at their grades and scores, let child be himself, let him handle his own learning and life challenges at his own pace, and let him grow freely maybe you will feel relaxed and see surprises.
If you can think differently, understand him from child's point of view, trust him, feel his feelings and take into account his needs, and not what we think child needs, what can you give in conditions Just give generously, and be frank when you are not satisfied, and unequivocally refuse. At this time, you may feel that you are peaceful, honest, real and gentle, and sincere giving will arise spontaneously. Because giving from heart is what we are naturally glad to see.
If you can let go of obsessions, insist on living in present, not thinking about past, not being afraid of future, surprises will come unexpectedly, you will feel joy and relaxation, and a genuine return will come. naturally.
So, what exactly motivates you from bottom of your heart?
Your empathy, your permission, acceptance, trust, respect, your sense of security, getting rid of expectations, getting rid of obsessions, understanding children, empathy for children, your peace, your gentleness, your love and compassion will contribute to your sincere help to children.
Marshall Luxembourg said: Whenever we want to enrich lives of others and give to others from bottom of our hearts, we do so out of joy that spontaneously arises in our hearts. This benefits both giver and recipient. When a gift is given from heart, and not out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire for something in return, recipient can enjoy gift without worry. At same time, givers gain more self-assertion because they see that they are contributing to well-being of others.
Share Marshall's golden saying from Nonviolent Communication: I want my life to be filled with kindness and compassion, and sincere giving flow between you and me.
In regards to sincere giving, I think Ruth Bebenmeier's poem "The Gift" is also best interpretation:
What you take from me is best present for me.
Please know that such a donation brings me joy.
What I give requires no reward from you,
Just because I want to live in love with you.
You may readily agree,
This is best gift for me.
I can't separate one from other.
You give meI give mine
What you take from me is best present for me.