The child is depressed and does not attend school. Can he get better? When will it get better? How can I help my child get well? This question worries many parents of children with depression.
Today I had honor of meeting three children who came out of depression and gave me great confidence and strength. Now I share their stories with you, hoping to give you confidence and strength.
Little A. I am currently in my third year of high school and will be taking my college entrance exams soon. From my second year of high school, I often asked for leave. In my third year of high school, I did not take high school entrance exam and chose middle school, and first year of high school was officially suspended. Four years later, I unexpectedly asked my parents to go back to school. So, she began to study again from first year of high school, and this time successfully returned to school. When she returned to school, she went from lowest mark on monthly exam to her mark on monthly exam this time, where she was within 100 points, which she considers a big improvement. "I think it's okay to pass one of exams." Looking at Xiao Ah's confident state, it's hard to imagine that she took a four-year break from school.
She told me that she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and locked herself in her room for more than half a year, only to sleep and play games, and then went out to drink, fall in love and travel alone ... Just last year, during epidemic , due to her bad emotional state, she traveled alone to Hangzhou, Guangzhou, Chongqing and other places, and when she was overtaken by a local epidemic, she could not buy a plane ticket to return home. parents who did their best to help their children buy it. “I feel how much my parents love me, that is, no matter what difficulties I face, my parents will support me and help me.”
About going back to school, she had this to say: "Regarding my studies and going back to school, I found that my parents let go completely. They never pressured me. I feel very relaxed. There is no parental pressure, and rest is just pressure I put on myself.However, I turned this pressure into motivation - some of my former classmates went to Tsinghua and Peking University, I'm still here.. I didn't make up! "
Little A also said, "Parents should be stable when children go back to school! If family relationships are unstable or there are problems with parental relationships, it will have a great impact on child, adding chaos and pressure on child".
"When you think that your child has done something that you consider rebellious, as long as there is no personal safety and there is no violation of law, you allow him to do it. After he has done it withdid, he will feel that it is actually pointless. Why don't you go back to school and study hard."
Little A now speaks quickly and loves to laugh. She smiles beautifully and is very sunny. She is like a fire, illuminating and warming her surroundings.
The parent asked Little A: child will start school in September and I am worried that he will not be able to survive, what should I do?
Little A replied, "When I first got back to school, I couldn't go to school for two or three weeks. The teacher had a prejudice against me. My parents were definitely on my side, asking for leave for me, and even while coming up with some reasons.At same time, they also truthfully explained to school teacher my situation: depression, medication, emotional instability, expressing my desire to go back to school and lack of motivation at moment, etc. frankness was also understood and appreciated by teacher. Therefore, when children go back to school, it is not about sending children to school, but about cooperation and support of parents and school teachers.Otherwise, child becomes lonely again.I can not go to school for a long time, teacher asked me to repeat assessment, parents it's all right, they think that if child is tired, he needs to rest, and this is not regardless of whether he repeats class or not; if you like it, then you can help child communicate with teacher, establish good family school relationship and then communicate with teacher on child's side.
Finally, Xiao Ah concluded: Do not be afraid of children to worry and worry. There are many things that you consider useless and they should experience them for themselves.
Let's wish little A to enter her ideal university and continue her happy and active life and studies!
Little B. He is currently in his third year studying cultural relics and history. He works as a depression volunteer for a public welfare platform. At end of my third year of high school, I suddenly had serious emotional problems and was diagnosed with severe depression. After I dropped out of school, I didn't read or study for almost half a year, so I just played online games and did what I wanted to do. I then passed bare exam and resumed my studies next semester of my freshman year and now I'm basically back to normal.
Referring to naked exam, he said: At time, I thought, "This is only chance, good or bad, take it. At this point, my parents have given up college entrance exams entirely., they did not burden me and my pressure was relieved I just want to experience exam and see such an exam scene I don't care I can write as much as I can I am completely at ease My parents' attitude Just support me to experience and try it, it doesn't matter how many points I geton test. So I was accepted into a not-so-bad university.”
“My parents are not worried, but I am very relaxed. I have never felt so relaxed. In past, in all my exams, my scores went up and down, and my rating went down a little. A little. They were very excited and worried. Give me a lot of pressure"
Little B said that a parent once asked him: "We all support child, but why is child still so bad? He replied: can you fail child by supporting child? Letting child return? This is very important. If you can peacefully and sincerely accept a child, it can give him strength!You must support child to survive, regardless of success or failure!Conversely, if you cannot accept failure of child, child may not even have courage to try again '.
He said that in days when he didn't go to school, he also tried a lot: he played games, learned piano, learned guzheng, taught hosts, studied psychological knowledge. He is very grateful to his parents for all their support. . “I tried to do so many things and spent a lot of money and most of them didn’t stick to it, but my parents were always supportive and never complained. Looking at it now, I still learned a lot. Interests, hobbies and finally goal is to entertain yourself. I study when I want to study, and I don't study when I don't want to. My parents didn't remind me or pressure me. This is most comfortable state. I especially enjoyed this time and felt unconditional support and acceptance of my parents. If parents don't worry, kids won't worry."
A parent asked Little B. What if child is addicted to online games and black and white are reversed? Want to help your child get fit?
Small B: Regarding Internet addiction, if parents think that their children are Internet addicted by watching mobile phones and playing games all day long, I am also Internet addicted. I'm at home on vacation and I don't have energy to do these energy intensive things, I can only find some things that don't require too much energy and can pass time, so internet phones are easiest to get. Actually, we are playing with mobile phones. Apart from games, we also use them to spy on world. We communicate and interact with people through mobile phones. We also use mobile phones to request and find out what we want to know. For example, my psychological knowledge, *** platform, I found it at stage of lying down, and then I continued to pay attention to training, I learned a lot from here, and now I also became a volunteer on this platform. I hope I can help people who have had same experience as me. He said that Internet is like a bridge for children. If a child is at home without Internet, then healno at all uninteresting.
Parents don't have to worry about inverting black and white. At night, for children who do not go to school, this is safest, quietest and most peaceful time, as well as most suitable time for radiating energy, and most of them are in this state. It is common for all children to go to class during this period of time.
In addition, there is one more situation. We don't sleep at night, but we really can't sleep and feel uncomfortable. Then we need to do something. Games on mobile phones can help us temporarily defuse our emotions. In fact, so-called black and white inversion and Internet addiction can also be considered a problem. They are mutual. Therefore, I hope that parents can understand their children and should not worry too much about this.
At end of conversation, Xiao B. said, “Parents, let go of your worries, you can become strongest foundation for your child, and your child will survive this period and become better and better. I think that surviving this depression is another gift in my life.
Little S. An undergrad who works part-time as an official account editor and is looking for a job at same time. In first year, she was diagnosed with depression, in second year - with bipolar disorder, after which she dropped out of school. When it comes to returning to school and family support, she says with regret: “My parents didn’t understand depression and didn’t want to study, didn’t believe I was sick, didn’t accept me after I dropped out of school, which is why I couldn't stay at home. Fortunately, I have an aunt who loves me very much, at that time I lived in my aunt's house. Temporarily isolated from parents to take pressure off them. After two or three years, they gradually realized that my condition was a disease. “According to S., I felt very sorry for her and wanted to hug her. It is not difficult to imagine that when she was in great pain and needed her parents most, she still had to endure doubts of her parents and was forced to temporarily leave her parents. How strong a child is to survive this period of time. However, a faint smile on face of little S in front of us tells us that it has passed and she is alive again. She is very quiet and her voice is very soft, like a breeze blowing on her face, so gentle and refreshing.
Speaking of her parents' support, she said gratefully, "After I got home from my aunt's house, I couldn't go outside for a while and had to stay in my room all day. Parents, who couldn't accept communication with my aunt. After that, I was no longer forced to go out, and I was finally able to stay at home and in my room. I am very grateful to them.
Answering a parent's question "What should a child do if he does not go for a walk?", she answered following: The child does not want to go for a walk, because she does not have energy and strength to do so. . As for cause, it may be reaction of originalabout state of disease or effect of drugs. In this case, room was relatively safe for her. If they are forced to be pulled out by parents, it will increase pain of child, which is tantamount to punishing child. We all know that we need to go outside to exercise and get more sun, but compared to feeling safe, sun isn't that important. That's how it was for me at time. When I feel a little better and I have strength, I myself will want to leave room.
The parent asked Little C beforehand: Before you got sick, your parents didn't understand you, do you hate them?
Little C said: Hatred is also a form of energy. At that time, first thing I could do was stay away from them. But I didn't think too much about it. Later they took it slowly and I didn't struggle with it anymore. I feel that some parents can be better than them and can provide support and help to their children. Some parents are unable to support their children due to livelihood, pressure, or reasons of origin. My parents lean more towards latter. I understand them. So there is no hatred or hatred, because they are all parents.
After all, Little C also said with deep feeling: Please allow children at this stage to do what they want within law.
After reading stories of three children, did you see hope and did you hear children's voices? Have children responded to your concerns about black and white reversal, not being able to go back to school, and being addicted to Internet? ?
Finally, I would like to say: let's work hard together, be a stable parent, let go of anxiety, let go of academic expectations, let children be themselves, experience and try, I believe that one day, our children will be just like them, come out of gloomy world, meet life again and smile at life.