I've read story "The Drunk Man Finds Key" countless times, sometimes to remind myself to stay on track, sometimes to help myself discover my true self. necessary?; sometimes this is done to get your attention back, to focus on what you really want to achieve.
This article is about learning real needs (keys) of your heart. If you are confused, I hope you can calm down and read slowly, maybe this will help you find stuck question.
The story goes like this: A man was looking for things under street lights, and a passing policeman asked him what he was doing.
"I'm looking for keys to car," drunken man replied.
The police asked him: "Did you leave key here?"
"Not here," man replied, "I left key in alley."
Seeing that policeman was very confused, man hastily explained: "But light is much brighter here."
(Drunk man looking for keys)
In fact, similar stories are often shown in real life. We are like a drunk looking for a clue, eager to take action, but limited by our own limited strategies and limited ideas (eg limited range of light). Guided by street lamps), and deviating from original design, how can we find our own "key", that is, our real inner needs?
(Are you drunk looking for keys?)
Just like when we encounter a sick child, we see only child's problems, he is too fragile, too sensitive, poorly resistant to stress, he has a bad temper, self-harm and even thoughts of death all day long. We think that something is wrong with child, so taking child for treatment is a top priority, we give child all our attention and remind him to get well at any time, and get well soon. However, after visiting doctor and taking medicine, child's condition has not improved, so we worry, frown and sigh all day. Whether in front of child or not, we will spare no effort to show our tension and anxiety. Perhaps this is our ignorance. we want our children to see our dedication and we hope that they can understand something, get angry and get better quickly, otherwise all family members will suffer from it and will not be able to live normally.
We rarely take time to think: are we on right track? What are my real needs?
Why don't we do our best to improve our children? Is this wrong direction? Maybe key to a child's healing is not under that well-lit street lamp at all, but somewhere out of sight?
For example, perhaps problem is not with children, but with ourselves as parents - in our parenting style, in our relationship with children, in our relationship with husband and wife, in our family atmosphere, in family medical history .. . in everything. of which What causes stress and depression in your child?
How do we feel when we can gain this awareness? Sadness, self-blame, guilt, complaining, anger, anxiety, stress... what do we hope for? What do we really want? - The child is recovering. We hope that we can support, help and guide children, truly love children and have some kind of trust and connection with children.
Next, we can connect and have a dialogue with ourselves. When you hope to give your children love and support, how do you feel? Warm, beautiful, full of joy, anticipation...
Now, with this good wishes and joy, we are thinking about how we can give love and support to our children? —— Do you want to accept him, tolerate him, respect him and trust him? ...However, how can we accept and trust our children? "I can not do it. When I'm worried, I usually lose my temper and scold kids...” Yes, you can fail! So whose problem is it? You know you need to do it, you can't, whose problem is it? By way, that's your problem! That's where we're heading! So please get your attention back.
When you encounter various challenges from your child and feel fearful and nervous, you may first stop and take a deep breath one or more times until you calm down.
You can change angle, difficulties that child goes through, but for himIt is normal to lose your temper, break things and cry, which is also a manifestation of strength and an outlet for emotions. Instead of letting him hold back, it's better to let him fade and release, also such an emotional outburst, it will come and go, you just have to face it with a child.
Finally, I would like to say that in face of challenges that sick children throw at us, if we focus our attention on children and still see no change in children, maybe it's time for us to change our direction and find that key , which can really help children - change themselves
Of course, child must continue to take medication and counseling, and at same time, you also need to change. You can learn to make yourself calm, peaceful, emotionally stable, strong, not to be compelled by your child's emotions, and to hold your child tightly when his emotions explode; you can improve your intimate relationship through education, so that relationship between husband and wife is harmonious, family atmosphere is calm and happy, and children feel like they live in a loving family, you can change relationship between parents and children through education passed on to child.
In fact, I learned that many children who have recovered from disease, whether they are children themselves or their parents, when talking about how to recover, almost all talk about one thing: about changes in parents themselves. ! I think this may be key we are looking for.