During these years, in order to accompany her sick daughter, she often ignored her husband's feelings. "I feel like I exist like air!" my husband said helplessly.
I was talking to a friend yesterday morning about estranged relationship between my daughter and her husband. My daughter even thought that her husband would hurt her (she always remembered how her father slapped her when she was a child) and her husband heard her. I was a little embarrassed and I wanted to explain this to my husband.
During breakfast my husband said: Do you have any plans for today? Let's go for a walk after dinner!
My husband likes to drink tea, so we found a teahouse and ordered a teapot. I think setting and atmosphere is very good and this place is good for chatting and talking.
My husband is a bit depressed. "I heard you say this morning that your daughter is afraid of me, afraid that I will hurt her?"
"Yes, I've started chatting with my friends. Actually, I'm very worried these days. You've recently become estranged from your daughter and you don't seem to be in a very good mood lately. I'm worried about your unintentional emotional impulsivity will affect high school entrance exam child is about to take!"
"When will she take her high school entrance exams?" her husband asked. I was suddenly speechless and angry - I had already told him twice about time of child's entrance exams to high school. He didn't listen at all! At same time, I was immediately aware of my emotions and habitual patterns that were about to explode. I immediately paused for a few seconds, took a deep breath (and tried not to let my husband see me taking a deep breath), and made a connection for myself. He then once again very peacefully and clearly reiterated specific arrangement regarding date, time, and subjects of high school entrance examination! This time, I think he heard clearly.
"Don't worry, I have a sense of proportion. I will cook her what she likes in these few days. I will adjust my mood and not annoy her." Hearing this, my husband nodded and answered me.
"Do you think I'm going to hurt her too? I grew up so big, I hit her once, and that was in second and third grades of elementary school. At time, I was really angry about my grades, so that I slapped her. But I never hit her again, and I'll give her whatever she wants! But she thinks I'll hurt her?" The husband brought up subject again. He looked unhappy, frustrated and frustrated! He took a sip of tea and I think he didn't remember taste of tea at all.
"I don't think you would hurt your daughter. I also told my daughter that daddy wouldn't hurt her! It's just that she's still a child and she's sick. Some of her Cognition needs time to fix, and it's not is that our reasoning can make a difference! So I hope you don't have to bear this burden!"
"Besides, my daughter once told me that my father is a responsible person. No matter what happens beforema, father will support our family! How do you feel about my daughter's words?" I asked my husband.
"So she pinched me hard knowing I wouldn't ignore her or this family?" I don't understand if my husband really doesn't understand what kid said, or if he just wonders if his daughter would like this knowledge. I couldn't get my husband stuck, so I had to give my own opinion.
"I think it's a daughter's complete trust and her father's recognition! That's also high praise!" I paused.
"Just a few days you had a fight. I asked her if she hated her father? She said she didn't hate him, didn't want to date him, just to avoid unnecessary conflict." The husband listened in silence, not saying a word.
"She also said that she actually looks a lot like you, and she also considers herself a responsible person! What do you think?" I said.
"What do you think?" My husband asked me back.
"I think she's right. She's very much like you. She's a responsible person, but stubborn and refuses to admit her mistakes first. I don't know what you think. Anyway, I see that my daughter is like me . place, I will be very happy." I told truth.
"Is she planning to go to vocational school?" The husband changed subject. I think he should have let go of previous thread.
"Yes, she's very clear that her grades won't allow her to get into a public high school. We also attended a private public high school. She thinks public high school is too difficult and she may not have been able to adapt, so she finally decided to go to a vocational school."
"Can she go to high school in her current state?" Her husband seemed a little worried.
"I don't think it's a big deal. I have records of her emotions, including sleep, exercise, diet, medication, and piano lessons. In terms of data, things are getting better and better! look - I answered.
"Well, last time she said she wanted to study nursing. I think you can look at other majors about major. Getting a job in nursing is still very difficult." It seems husband is still very concerned about this. his daughter's situation, but child does not want to be with her. He said that I again spent most of my time with child, so he really knew very little about his daughter. I suddenly felt a little guilty towards my husband.
"I haven't made a final decision on majors and schools yet. I need to respect my daughter's ideas after high school entrance exams to see results before trying out two public vocational schools."
"By way, sound of her violin has become much better lately," said husband.
"Well, that means she wanted to participateI’m in competition, so I thought about switching to violin."
"When will she compete?" The husband seemed to have no idea about it. I'm really sorry.
This is how my husband and I meet, most of time we talk about children. And he is so unfamiliar with child's situation. In past, I could reproach him for not taking care of child, but today I feel sorry for him, distance between him and child. Obviously caring and loving children, but completely unable to penetrate heart of child.
After talking about child, I asked him about his work and also learned that he has been under a lot of pressure at work lately, so his mood fluctuates a lot.
Later we chatted about gossip about some relatives and friends. During this time, my daughter called twice, and I told her that my father and I were doing some business outside, and we needed to come back later so that she could cook food herself. The daughter readily agreed.
"Let her try and see if she can take good care of herself!" said her husband. I think my husband hopes that his daughter will be able to exercise her independence or wants to communicate with me more. It's been too long since we walked together like today, drinking tea and chatting a little. At same time, he probably does not know that his daughter has long been able to independently monitor her diet: cooking pasta, frying side dishes, making desserts and drinks is not difficult for her.
We didn't leave tea house until five o'clock in afternoon, we went to vegetable market and bought a lot of things to take home. I feel that my husband's mood is relaxed and happy when he comes home. When I got to dining room downstairs, I bought my daughter a mint tea she liked and carried it upstairs.
All way, I thought: in future, I may have to spend more time with my husband. He loves children so much, but he feels marginalized on our part. At same time, give your daughter more opportunities to show her independence.
"Mom should be a good translator out of love for father and child!" I remembered a phrase that teacher said in class.