"Miss sister, my mother won't let me play with you. My mother said that you only know how to play and don't study hard." Sharp words like knives, how do you let us kids handle them? Although words were spoken in immature tone of a younger sister who had just started elementary school, she also said it with some resentment.
On days when my daughter was sick and out of school, I always tried my best to take her with me, or travel, or go shopping, and sometimes visit relatives and neighbors or invite them to my house in as guests The goal is very clear, that is, I want to take more of my children, to be in more contact with nature and to communicate more with people.
It's just that my wish is fine, but reality plays a trick on me sometimes, which is a bit cruel.
One day, a relative's little daughter took initiative to call my daughter, saying she missed her sister and wanted to play with her. Because my older sister treated her very well, she once took her to eat at gastronomic festivals, took her to play in ancient cities, and even drove all way to buy her donuts... My older sister said that children should play as much as they want , and wait a long time. A little older, with endless homework, there is no time to play. Therefore, my sister loves this cousin very much.
Hearing my sister say she misses her, my sister was also very happy, and in order not to disappoint her cousin, my sister said, "Then I'll go accompany you on weekend!"
"Don't come here, sister. Because my mother won't let me play with you. She doesn't like you and says you're not a good student." He was so stunned that he forgot to speak. Until sister screamed into phone: sister, sister, are you still here?
The daughter came to her senses: "I'm here, everything is fine, then my sister will not go there, if you miss my sister, call her, she will talk to you"...
The daughter hurriedly hung up phone with her sister, while she herself ran into room, crying and saying:
"Is it because I don't want to study hard? I don't want to study?"
"Why? Why? What did I do wrong?"
I've been watching all of this from sidelines and I feel like it's being cut with a knife or pricked with a needle and I feel like I can't breathe! This mother is my sister! The eldest of her family is older than my daughter, I helped her take care of her for several years, and she lived in my house when she was in kindergarten. On weekdays, relatives who often come and go, an aunt who often expresses concern for her daughter, and a man who often tells his daughter with a smile that he will let her go home to play.
I said to my daughter through door: You are your mother's daughter, no matter what others say, mother loves you forever, no matter if you study or not. You haven't done anything wrong.
Comfort at this time is too weak and pale. The daughter cried for a long time. How can other people's words not matter? Especiallyfor kids like them who are already very sensitive.
Later, for a long time, my daughter didn't want to go outside again, let alone see her family, relatives and friends. “It turns out that they all look at me and talk about me like that,” daughter repeated this phrase over and over again.
The younger sister still called her daughter quietly, and daughter still chatted very well with her younger sister on phone. The younger sister said that her older sister broke ruler because she made a mistake in her homework; her mother forbade her to secretly call her cousin, but she will still find her daughter's phone number in phone clock; at a sports meeting she even received an award, at school she had a fight with someone ... My daughter is always patient with her younger sister. She said, "Her mother is her mother, and she only hopes that when her sister needs someone to accompany her, she can accompany her and listen to her." She said: Actually, children need to be listened to.
I really want to ask my sister why she said that about my daughter to her kids, even if you think so, please don't say that to her kids. First, take care of feelings of your own children, and second, worry about feelings of other people's children. However, I didn't go. At first I was very angry, and I was afraid that I would quarrel with her if I went. Then I didn’t have courage to go, yes, I didn’t have courage. The eldest daughter went to college smoothly, but we didn’t even finish high school. My daughter is also very smart and has strong learning ability. When a large family gathers, it is most dazzling in their family. The stigma and inferiority complex made me dare not ask her. Later, in process of studying, I found that my emotions stabilized, and I did not like to get angry so easily, I gradually moved away from this issue and began to look differently.
As a mother, she instinctively doesn't want her little daughter around our children and worries that her little daughter will be influenced by my children. I understand her. Just like in school, some parents will tell their kids that it's okay to be friends with positive and active kids and play less with kids who don't study and cause trouble all day long. I just don't think I would raise my daughter that way.
I also think that not only my sister, but most of people in this society do not accept children like us, they sympathize with these children, avoiding them. Because they do not understand this group, they have a lot of misunderstanding of these children: lazy, fragile, sensitive, too fussy, thinking too much, seeing their temporary passive state, they say: these children are useless, ruined, this life is over. . In fact, over past few years, I have seen many children diagnosed with depression, but at same time, I have also seen many children leave this group, leave this stage, go back to campus, go to university, and even study abroad. There are also manyabout children. All of them have recovered and, like most children, continue to follow their dreams.
So, I would like to ask those adults who do not know these children to give them more tolerance and understanding. They just lost themselves temporarily, which does not mean forever. Perhaps your understanding is their support and strength to get out of fog. Please be kind and compassionate.