Baby Diary

What is a house? The interpretation of family can help us better understand meaning of word family——deciphering a family letterF——fatherA——andM——motherI——I< br> L ——loveY——youThe real meaning of family: Father and mother. I love you

I once read an expression about home: Home is a place of love, which is unreasonable;

Think about it, don't you? The public says that public is right, and woman says that woman is reasonable. To reason with family, who do you want to convince? Competing with your partner to win or lose, is there an ultimate winner? A house that is sensible and wins or loses is more like a partnership model than a house. Husband and wife may be more like brothers and roommates, but it's definitely not a family relationship. Therefore, home should be a place of warmth, warmth, tranquility, security, support, harmony, happiness and nourishment.

There is a metaphor that compares a home to a "love jar". I think it is very interesting. She reminds us that if you want to receive something, you must first store it in it. So, how much love have you put in your love bank?

However, family is a very complex social system. It includes original family relationship, relationship of husband and wife, relationship of parents and children. How to manage this house well so that we are ready to store love in it?

First of all, we need to sort these three relationships correctly: husband-wife relationship, parent-child relationship, and source family relationship. However, among these three basic relationships, most of our families attach great importance to relationship between parents and children, while relationship of husband and wife and original family relationship is easy to ignore.

(1) The relationship between husband and wife requires both intimacy and independence to go hand in hand through life.

Between husband and wife, they trust each other, express themselves and talk about everything. But everyone still has a lot of psychological emotions, such as his emotions, etc., but if they are too close, two people seem to live as one person, what is yours is mine, and what is mine is yours, no matter what. of you and me, which is prone to problems. We love each other, do a lot for each other, even sacrifice ourselves to reach each other, support each other and are ready to be green leaves to shade each other, but there must be space between ourselves. , there must be space, and let other party be able to be themselves - do what they want, think what they think, and achieve what they want. couple can go further.

The relationship between husband, wife and parents, if couple is only children of their parents and is not a good husband and wife, then relationship between husband and wife will be tied to original family relationship, and family relationships will be chaotic, there will be no boundaries, mutual interference, Intervention will inevitably affect relationship between husband and wife.

PAfter birth of children, some couples spend a lot of effort, time and attention on them. Excessive attention to children also greatly affects relationship between husband and wife. Relationships between husband and wife and relationships between parents and children require independent space and time while maintaining intimacy.

Husbands and wives should accommodate and tolerate each other. This is an important manifestation of relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes it may be appropriate to give up one's own identity.

There is another very important point in relationship between husband and wife, namely mutual success. By supporting each other, couples can help bring out each other's hidden creativity, bringing out best in each other.

Husbands and wives should not try to change each other, control each other, and not try to heal wounds of each other's original family. His/her problems must be borne by him/her himself. Responsibility, wounds in this area, one must heal one's own wounds. If both parties want to change each other, most of them fail and they get too tired of each other. What we can do is achieve goal of influencing other side through our own changes, that is, subtle changes. As they say about nature of education: one tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, one soul awakens another.

In upbringing of children, husband and wife form a strong union. For example, even if you do not approve of your husband's parenting style, do not talk about it in front of child, and then discuss with other party how best to raise child, and do not blame each other, complain to each other, or tear each other down. Relationships, relationships between parents and children are very important.

(2) Parent-child relationship

The following are some common serious conflicts between parents and children:

Tangled parent-child relationships: parents and children seem too close, love and kill each other, a state of control and anti-control, parents want their children to be independent but refuse to let go, Always keep your child in your arms. This kind of relationship is most often manifested between mother and son, mother, like a flying kite, holds tightly to rope of kite, not giving child independent time and space. On other hand, child always complains that parents control too much, but if he is really let go, he cannot get out. Such relationships do not contribute to development of independent personality of children, and it is difficult to go far in them.

Hatred between parents and children: This phenomenon is more noticeable between father and child. The father has a love-hate relationship with child and has high expectations for child. The father's father's love is always perfect, but if child does not meet father's expectations, father's hatred is also clearly manifested; otherA different situation may be that relationship between mother and child is too close, father is jealous, or exclusion of father has led to this hateful relationship.

Aloof and indifferent parent-child relationships: There are also parents who are indifferent to their children's growth or don't know how to express themselves. The relationship between them and their children is aloof and indifferent. relation. Children who grow up in this environment will be more independent, but their interpersonal relationships may be difficult to manage, while intergenerational heredity will also allow them to use this aloof and indifferent attitude towards their children.

The worst kind of relationship is competitive relationship where husband and wife are pulling each other's children and each wants to team up with children against other. In this war, children especially intrigue, conflict with themselves and even lead to a split personality. It's too much for a child.

Those children who grow up with parents fighting lack a sense of security and may appear timid, have low self-esteem, and are easily avoided when they grow up, which will also affect their future intimate relationships.

However, all problems between parents and children reflect relationship between husband and wife. Therefore, some people say: best gift that parents can give their children is a harmonious and happy family. Then follows a harmonious, harmless divorce. I especially agree.

Therefore, if there is a problem between husband and wife, solve it yourself, and do not involve children in an alliance against each other.

(3) Initial family relationship

Both husband and wife have their own original families, as well as various restrictive beliefs and habits brought in from their original families, as well as their own personal logic. If both husband and wife cannot maintain clear boundaries with their original families, But excessive closeness to original family will also directly affect relationship between husband and wife, and will affect relationship between parents and children.

Therefore, there must be a clear boundary between relationship of husband and wife, relationship of parents and children, and original family relationship. A state of intimacy and independence suitable for any relationship.

Do you know how to create a warm, harmonious and happy home for your children?