My daughter successfully passed her high school entrance exams and after a few days of rest one evening last week she said to me:
"Mom, I feel like another round of stress and anxiety is looming again"
"Do you feel where this pressure is coming from?" I asked.
"I'm probably thinking of going to vocational school!"
"Does attending a vocational high school cause you pressure? What if it's a comprehensive high school?"
"The problem is not vocational school, but high school. I feel pressure when I think about going back to school."
"Should we continue to explore, thinking about going back to school and high school, I feel pressure, so if I don't go to school, won't there be pressure?"
"Not exactly, there may be other pressures."
"So pressure comes from going to school. What could it be? Don't like school environment? Don't like a certain teacher? Relationships with classmates? Study assignments?" I asked.
"Currently, choice of school has not been decided, and there are no problems with dislike for school environment and teachers," said daughter.
"Is it anxiety about relationships between classmates, anxiety about interpersonal relationships? Or anxiety about not being able to keep up with my studies? Or is there something else?" I want to reconfirm information for my daughter.
"Perhaps due to interpersonal relationships and worry that I won't be able to keep up with my studies." Finally my daughter got a general idea of her current anxiety.
"So, what can we do to alleviate this anxiety?" I hope my daughter will join me in my search for a way.
“I don’t know either,” daughter answered somewhat disappointed.
"Let's talk about homework first. Are you worried about not being able to keep up with your studies. What subjects are you worried about? Are you worried about Chinese?"
"I never worry about Chinese!" my daughter said proudly.
"I also think my daughter doesn't need to worry about her language at all!" I want to restore my daughter's self-confidence and strengthen her.
"So what else to worry about?" I asked.
"Math and English!"
"Only these two courses left, is there less pressure?"
"Do you have any thoughts on these two topics?"
"I want to ask teacher to compose one-on-one lessons? Is that possible?" The daughter actually has her own ideas, but she's just worried about whether she can enlist support of her mother.
"Of course! It's also a very effective method." I answered in affirmative.
"How do you plan to reconcile? Are two subjects taught together or one subject and another subject?" I kept asking.
"Let's try one topic at a time, I'm afraid I can't keep up."
"Well, that's good."
"What subject are you planning to start? Where will you start?"
"For English, I will first try to memorize vocabulary and texts on my own, and then I will ask teacher to supplement my knowledge of grammar after a while after I get used to school rhythm.""This plan is very good, and it is very feasible Give my girl a thumbs up!" I said. "As for mathematics, do you have any other ideas?" I asked.
"First I'll buy a local calculator, let's start with simple calculations," daughter said without thinking.
Since we discussed topic of learning last time, this week my daughter took initiative to repeat words and do mental calculations every day and asked me to help me check her and verify. Of course, in her current state, she is completely free, and I do not take initiative to remind or supervise her studies. What I have to do is give her full training and I believe she has her own rhythm and arrangement. Just trust her.
Regarding interpersonal relationships, I took a walk last night and in our relaxed and pleasant atmosphere of conversation said:
"Baby, have you thought about dealing with interpersonal relationships that are bothering you? Is there any way or idea?"
"No, I really can't help it."
"This is really not a problem that can be solved right away. Interpersonal relationships need to be trained, generalized and improved in process of getting along with others," I said.
"Actually, I know my own. It's not that I don't know how, but I don't want to. For example, I will know what some classmate wants, but I just don't want to satisfy. I don't want to hurt myself, but because of- for fact that I need to maintain this relationship and I have to deal with it, I feel very tired. So slow, I hate interpersonal relationships.""What if we follow our heart? Don't force it, just do it when it's appropriate. Friends, don't feel offended if you don't get along.""However, I think I'm a person who needs friends and I need to have a sense of existence and value among friends," she said my daughter."You hope that your classmates and friends around you recognize you, and you hope that you are a ray of light that can illuminate people around you.""Yes.""Because what can you do Don't do it now, do you feel distressed? I asked. "Maybe!" daughter answered. "Hey, forget about it, now it's useless to think about it, I believe that boat will be straight when it reaches bridge!" finally concluded daughter. So, I came up with another suggestion: Every child is self-sufficient. Trust that they have their own abilities and ways of solving problems.