Many parents don't understand why their children suddenly can't go to school and stay at home? Conflicts between some children and their parents become more intense and they even insult, fight violently, beat furniture, etc.; isolation is normal; some children suddenly become obsessed with games, playing games day and night without food. or drunkenness... Thus, parents also find themselves in a painful situation of anxiety, fear and despair. The family, which was originally good, suddenly got into a difficult situation and could not get out.
They sought medical advice and help with doubts, and it turned out that this is no longer an isolated phenomenon, and teenagers often have similar problems. Why? The teacher made following analysis.
From point of view of general environment, following reasons can be roughly summarized:
Firstly, today's society is different from our time.
We used to have to listen to our parents: "Don't interrupt kids when grown-ups are talking." Today's children are brought up differently and demand equality, independence and respect. They should have same right to speak as their parents. However, our education does not allow children to object and bargain, contradictions and conflicts are obvious.
Secondly, overall development of children today is ahead of schedule, both physically and psychologically.
In past, puberty in children usually started at 11-13 years old, but now it has mostly advanced to 9-11 years old. Their thoughts are more active, they want to express themselves more, they are more promiscuous, their physical development is ahead of schedule, but end of puberty is delayed. A small number of people went to college. Thus, earlier work and marriage also contribute to maturity of people. Today's children are college students, graduate students, doctors, etc., that is, their marriage work is delayed, which leads to a prolongation of puberty, and it is more difficult for children to face social problems such as life and work.
Thirdly, electronic products and social platforms are now popular.
Children's dependence on mobile phones, Internet and media is most obvious manifestation of adolescent conflicts. Some children are not allowed to be recognized in reality, but they may be recognized as teammates and sought after by other players in game. This sense of accomplishment and belonging is also main reason why children are addicted to games. Moreover, setting of game itself is also addictive, especially teenage children are prone to this due to poor self-control. Today, there are also many social programs and platforms that also meet such needs of children.
Fourthly, conflict between excessive attention and control of parents and lack of ability in children.
Most of our children are onlyonly children. Parents give almost all attention to their children. Some families even focus on their children. Over-attention will cause children to be arrogant at normal times, but they are incompetent when confronted with things and show low self-esteem; be obedient and reasonable. This kind of parenting may work well when child is young, but when child is in their teens, energy rises and this type of parenting can lead to a power struggle between child and you.
Fifth, parents have high expectations.
If child does not have opportunity to study independently, and parents have too high expectations, gap between them will overwhelm child. Over time, child will feel more and more pressure and, eventually, will not stand it and collapse. .
Sixth, in some families with two children, children also have problems with puberty.
The burden of raising two children often exhausts mother at this stage, and family is in a difficult situation, if father is not at this time, it will be even harder. Each child has different psychological needs at different stages, and same psychological needs also have different expressions. They all want to win love of their parents. How to balance this and problem, many parents know little about it, or said they are not ready.
Seventhly, before it was mostly a large family, and way they were brought up was mostly civilian, so there were many practical opportunities and practical experience in communicating with others, but now most children in one-child families are poorly versed in this aspect. There are very few opportunities to play sports, and even few conflicts and conflicts. Therefore, there is no opportunity to provide children with opportunities to engage in interpersonal relationships, which is also reason why adolescent children have noticeable interpersonal problems.
From point of view of psychophysiological characteristics of adolescent children, this can be summarized as following reasons:
First, one of topics that children need to confirm at this stage is: who am I? How do I look in eyes of others? How do I see myself? What exactly can I do, what is my goal? Children at this stage will be even more confused if they encounter setbacks.
Secondly, teenage children seem to be rebellious. In positive discipline, this is stage of child's individuation. Their so-called rebellion is actually children taking out their long-standing depression on their parents. This is a process that children must go through. The growth of a child requires constant trial and error, he needs to endure setbacks that he can bear, and develop ability to cope with setbacks because of it. Children at this stage need to make various attempts to form their own values. If a parent tries to control, it can lead to even more insane revenge on part of child. At same time, children at this stage are alsoare stage at which they test comments and values of their parents.
Third, adolescent children experience greatest physical and psychological changes. Children at this stage develop rapidly physically, and children themselves are not used to this, they will be shy and ashamed of their physical development, they will try to restrain themselves as much as possible, they will seem curly. At same time, they need to think about more and more things, such as which university I want to go to, what major to study, etc. Children at this stage have some tension that needs to be released, so creating problems and finding fault with to their parents is their way of venting their emotions. At same time, getting along with classmates and teachers at school can also be more difficult. The inability to get along with classmates and teachers is also reason why some students do not want to go to school. This pressure can eventually lead to a child's depression
Fourthly, relationships between teenage children and their peers are more important than family relationships. Adolescent children are especially concerned about whether they will be accepted by peers, that is, whether they will be one of them, and whether they will confirm their relationship through his position among partners. If his needs in this area are not met, he may have more cognitive distortions. At this time, he may devote more energy to considering this aspect and ignore feelings of his parents. Therefore, sometimes parents will be very confused why my child has nothing to say to me, and chats so much with classmates; or I think that if your child has a bad relationship with classmates, if there are any problems, it will not affect your attendance at school. In fact, this is really one of reasons that affect children's education in school, because relationships with classmates at this stage are too important for them. He even prioritizes relationships over studies. Thus, parents should not regard any individual behavior of child as directed against you, but simply as his own confusion. For example, some parents think that child humiliates and persecutes me, but in fact, such behavior of child should not be taken personally.
Fifth, teenage child will experience and show his strength at home. If he feels more secure, he will show himself to be a gentleman, steady and strong when he goes out. This is a very important performance of teenage children, and only at this stage can children gradually grow up
Sixth, children at this stage especially want to be understood, and some of our parents are unable to give their children support and understanding at this stage, so they are more willing to make friends and communicate on some social platforms, and are more likely to tempted by Internet.
Seventhly, teenage children can be awkward with their parents, perhaps some parents say this, as if child believes that they belongpoked him and doesn't want to stay with his parents.
Eighth, teenage children will think they are all-powerful and all-knowing, but in fact they desperately need support of their parents. Children at this stage, on one hand, want to get rid of their parents, and on other hand, they cannot live without their parents, child is in a semi-mature state. This is a very controversial stage in heart of a child. At this stage, parents should release child in a timely and appropriate manner, handle parent-child relationship well, and give child spiritual guidance that can help child successfully complete puberty.
Finally, we can see that rebellious conflicts of children in adolescence, whether in terms of general environment or their own psychophysiological growth process, are becoming more common and more intense, and some parents do not keep up with their growth and cannot give their children understanding, support and proper guidance in a timely manner This is also reason why some children drop out of school due to depression. due to emotional retardation. However, we must also know that life is not a long-distance race, but a marathon, and victory is achieved by perseverance to end. So, start learning today, cultivating your own emotional resilience, supplementing your own cognitive level, gathering strength to support your children, everything will develop in right direction.