I remember when my daughter was hospitalized, she didn't have self-mutilation. But there is a girl in same room and a girl in next room who are always trying to find opportunities and tools to hurt themselves. When checking into ward, a strict inspection is carried out; dangerous objects are not allowed into hospital ward. Despite this, they can still find tools: for example, to remove tempered film from a mobile phone, for example, to break off disposable chopsticks brought to take away ... Their hands, mostly left, are mostly large and small from shoulder. down Small scratches, deep and light, long and short, dull and reflective. The first time I saw such a scar, I was so stunned that I did not dare to look again. Feeling sorry for two children, I couldn't understand why they hurt themselves like that, and I was glad that my daughter didn't. However, I was really happy too soon.
After this hospitalization, daughter's condition appears to have gone into short-term remission. However, over time, daughter's condition either worsened, or simply did not pass to next stage. The diagnosis was later changed from depression to bipolar disorder.
In days that followed, when my daughter was in pain and unable to control herself due to various emotional issues, she also began to express her emotions by scratching her own hand.
At first it was hard for me to accept and I couldn't stand it. I have tried many ways to stop her from doing such "stupid" things. I reproached child for being ignorant and not taking care of my body, and also tried to persuade her with good words and even cried in front of child and begged her not to hurt herself. emotions in other ways. For example, hitting pillows, boxing, listening to music, drawing, writing... I once told my children that these scars will bring me a lot of trouble in future... But children at same time could not listen to anything! So, in those two years when she was in a bad mood, she hid in room, took out a clerical knife or an eyebrow trimmer that she secretly prepared, and slowly, one by one, stroked her arm. Again and again, knife after knife.
When she calmed down, my daughter told me why she hurt herself—
"Watching blood gradually come out, my mood gradually calmed down."
"I like process of carefully treating wound, cleaning, disinfecting and dressing. After a complex of procedures, mood is calm."
"I can't find a better way to speak out. I don't want to hurt others, so I can only hurt myself."
"I feel that only this body belongs to me, so what I want to do with it is my business."
"Does it hurt?" I asked my daughter.
"Pain? Compared to pain caused by uncontrollable emotions, pain of scratching my hand is really nothing. Or is it just that kind of pain that helps me distract my emotions at this time, so I can gradually calm down. down, said daughter.
It may seem unbelievable to parents who haven't experienced this, why not stop it? But parents who have had similar experiences can understand what it means to be unpredictable, what it means to be helpless, what it means to be powerless, what it means to be hopeless, helpless, and piercing in pain.
I remember reading an article that described self-harming behavior in children, something like this:
"Children who try to hurt themselves often do so because emotional pain is unbearable and they try to avoid those feelings by hurting themselves. This may be because their pain is unbearable. will cause them to focus on physical pain and will ease psychological.
The sense of relief and relief that follows self-harm reinforces behavior, causing teen to cut himself again and again. An upset adult may drink, go for a run, or do yoga to relieve pain. This behavior is reinforced when they feel better afterwards. The same goes for self-harm for teenagers: if you feel really bad and cut yourself, feeling goes away. Then you will be more likely to repeat this behavior in future when you feel bad. "
It is unrealistic for parents to wean their children from such dangerous behavior through rude interference alone. Parents can encourage their children to talk to you about what they are going through and let them know that you are open to all points of view and will be as neutral as possible without judgment, criticism or blame.
It is understandable that most children who self-harm and self-harm simply want to express their emotions. They don't have idea of a "death wish" at all. Therefore, their lives are not yet in danger. However, parents should also pay attention to observe their children's emotions and know their condition, "do they feel that life is meaningless", "I always want to die in my thoughts" ... Or child has a plan related to death. (e.g. a countdown plan) and measures (perhaps buying tools through online stores), if parents discover a similar situation, they should provide crisis intervention and, if necessary, take some enforcement measures to ensure safety of their children.
This is a really heavy topic, and picture of a child cutting his hand, and a scarred hand, and two girls in ward who are always looking for opportunities to rub their hands is spinning in his head; In addition, mother once said that in order to prevent child from cutting her own hand, she reached out her hand and let child cut it with a knife ... as it is written in article, I feel that my hand is so heavy that it seems that I even I didn't have strength to pick it up and print it.
Pray that our children are safe and healthy!
Pray for harmony and happiness in each of our families!