Most of our children who were diagnosed with emotional disorders developed emotional disorders at school, such as anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, etc. Then, some of them often struggled along path of suspension and return to school, feeling that they can't get out of it. The child gradually lay flat, unwilling and unable to do anything; parents became more restless and restless, and more they tried, more powerless they became.
However, parent I want to tell you about today is not obsessed with education and diploma of child, but only thinks about how to give child life experience and how to improve relationship between parents and children. He only does what he can now do. As he patiently waited, child's condition imperceptibly changed, and he gradually emerged from state of lying flat and denying himself.
And what did he do?
K's parent is a father who has worked in system for 20 years. His son had excellent grades all way from elementary school to university entrance exams, was in top 10 at a key high school, and successfully entered an ideal university. My son still did very well in his freshman year, and in his sophomore year (2020) he suddenly developed anxiety and depression.
The son was forced to interrupt school and return home. "It's like a time bomb suddenly added to house!" Papa K described it this way: “You don’t know what happened to him, but you suddenly lost, smashed TV, coffee table and door, mobile phone also broke three or four times, cut his wrists, self-mutilated, sometimes didn’t eat at all, didn't drink, didn't talk, lay down or sit in a daze, his eyes were dull, and he was completely dissociated! Just like in medical saying Stupor state!"
Such an excellent son suddenly became like this, and dad K. said that he could not accept it. It turned out that when I heard about depression, I thought it was someone else's problem, far from them, and could not be in my own family, not to mention my outstanding son. However, when depression suddenly hit his son, he realized that nothing is impossible in this world.
The son returned home and tossed and turned at home, torturing himself and his parents. After some time, K.'s father felt that he was depressed.
How to save your son, this family and yourself?
Daddy K. has begun to explore a self-help regimen in times of torment. Read related books to learn, pay attention to relevant public accounts, and systematically learn how to accompany children with depression. Through training, he summarized and worked out following points, which effectively helped his son to gradually come out of depression.
First, insist on validating child's feelings. He said that he never thought about impact "denying childhood feelings" would have on children.tv". Many times when we hear a child talk about uncomfortable, sad, painful and other feelings, we will unwittingly deny his feelings: “What is so uncomfortable? or even rudely blame child, it doesn't have to be uncomfortable or painful! And these denials in eyes of children mean that parents do not care for them, do not love them and despise them. How in this situation child will have enough strength and courage to recover.
Second, enjoy life with your son. After son returned home, he refused to go out or meet people. K.'s father quit his job and took his son to his hometown in countryside. Digging up soil, planting, planting rice seedlings, and harvesting crops all attracted their sons to work together. Also accompany my son to watch sunrise and sunset. I also opened a small store in my hometown (it will close in a year in 2021), and I took my son with me to go through all procedures for opening store. It doesn’t matter if business in store is good or not, main thing is that son experiences it for himself. "Accompany children to experience life, don't care about giving, don't care about gain and loss, don't dwell on success or failure, just go through experience." psychological reconstruction!
Recounting Father K's experience, I recalled a phrase my teacher often repeated: Life is a journey of constant experience!
Third, don't make time plans and don't build goal expectations. Parents need to let go of high expectations and just thrive in present. Many parents, after being with their children for a while, see that their children have not recovered and begin to worry about when children will get better and when they can return to school? Or some parents, seeing that their child is recovering, immediately begin to move again, begin to increase requirements and expectations for their children. It is easy for a child to retreat again.
Fourthly, parents take care of themselves and grow on their own! Some of our parents, seeing that their children are getting worse and worse, experience anxiety, but refuse to study, blindly accuse and demand their children, or give all their thoughts and strength to their children. They do not understand and do not want to learn to love themselves and their children. He said: "Parents make time for learning, self-development and anxiety reduction, which can not only help their children, but also take care of themselves." Or parents who do what they love in their free time, vent their emotions and relieve pressure, also take care of themselves, and this is also a great help to their children.
Father K said that at beginning of this year his son was mostly emotionally stable and began to actively think about problems. He made it clear that he did not want to go back to school, and did not want a college degree, tried to work part-time . Dad respects son's decision and supportshis choice. At present, my son has been working in supermarket for three months now. He is very busy every day picking goods, distributing goods, setting up shelves. The salary is very small, only 3,000 yuan. But my son is very happy, very satisfied and feels very important. K's father said that his son, who was never stingy with money, now cherishes a salary of 3,000 yuan very much. It's kind of a blessing to see kids come out of pain and struggle. As for university, education, diploma, if this really depresses son, then why should he go in cycles in this. The kids are fine now. Now everything is all right.
After writing this, I thought about question. In this age of so many challenges, seeing a child get better and stronger, how many parents can accept that such an excellent son would drop out of school to do a job like dad. K. What about an ordinary hired worker? Could you?